New Eyes on Campus: An Interview with Dr. Zigfeld

by Strawberry Picot

Who better to interview than the guy who knows everything?

Dr. Zigfeld is my history professor, and he knows nearly everything that happened in the entire world. And not just facts and dates, but also what people were thinking and how they acted.

Art by Negger

"For example," Dr. Zigfeld said, "Gestan the Great was not so great when he discovered the land we now call the New Country. He was actually completely lost. There are plenty of journal entries where he wrote about how he was so happy that his crew hadn't realized that the compass was broken, or how he was erasing parts of their seamap to make it seem like they were farther away from land than they expected."

He walked to the open window and put one foot upon the sill and continued, "Imagine having finally settled on land, only to realize that your crew expects you to start charting with your inaccurate map." He sounds so esteemed whenever he says anything historic. "It's no surprise, really, that he and his crew never made it back home. It wasn't until forty years later that their remaining survivors and next generation were saved by the more competent crew of Belphina Marisse."

He's amazing. Our history book just says that Gestan the Great was the first to discover our country, and Belphina Marisse came second. And I didn't even remember to write down his stories about Belphina Marisse.

Dr. Zigfeld is wonderful to spend an evening with. He's lecherous, too, and I kindly exited the interview before he decided to air out other body parts by the window. Not within view of the students, of course. His window looks out Marr Swamp on the western edge of campus. Let me share a little map of all the places you'll usually find me on Campus!

Signing off gracefully,

Strawberry Picot~